Week 13: Changing

Oh what a week it has been, actually, its been two. I skipped last week, what are gonna do? Life happens, also this internet is trying my very last patience.

So many things have changed, and yet, so little has changed. Vague, I know. Last week, I was quite lonely and dreading my last days in Byron. I would have never chose to stay here so long, but I think it’s been really good for me. I’ve learned so much from the people I work with who have suddenly become special to me and so kind in their acceptance of who I am. I have experienced them valuing my difference, and celebrating my large and small feats of growth. I have been overcoming fears through thought and action, slowly learning the world isn’t as terrifying as I tend to believe it is. Turns out, I am not as powerless as I tend to believe either. I am daily gaining strength and endurance in my heart and mind. I have been consistently challenged by people who know me well and those whom I’ve barely met to get outside of my head and just live a little more. This is so difficult for me. I’ve been working towards this end for years, trying desperately to break outside of the bondage I feel internally. It is a slow process for me, but I can see that year by year, step by step, I am loosening the binds; constantly reminding myself that change comes through relationship with others. What a terribly and beautifully vulnerable thing. This morning I find myself reflecting on so many experiences and relationships that have moved me to this moment where I feel change occurring inside me and see it in my actions as well. It’s good, and sitting well with my soul. I am so proud of myself and so grateful for the people who walk with me.

This is my last full day in Byron Bay, and as I collect my gear and ration my food I am surprised at how different I feel. I am empowered and softer, I feel really great about the free latte and Mars bar I ate. every. single. day. Praise the good Lord I’ve been working really hard because all my clothes still fit. Whew. I can’t believe this is my life right now, it’s a bit surreal.

Ok, sentimental talk aside, I am so so excited about the next two weeks. I’m leaving Australia, (peace!) and meeting up with one of my very dearest friends. I get all giddy and wiggly when I think about it!

So, here’s to the next leg of my journey, may it bring more fun, freedom, and lifelong friends.